Laurie,
I came across your website. I had my beautiful 17
year old daughter Karlee just a week and a half past my 15th birthday.
Raising her has brought me nothing but the purest joy ever since.
I wanted to give you my story in case you'd like some stories to
post on your site to guide other women in making the same rewarding
choice : )
To this day, it still feels remarkable to me to
be able to say that I was a 15 year old mom. And now that I've come
across this wonderful website I'm more than happy to share it.
It was winter 1987 and I was a 14 year old 9th grader.
I thought I was desperately in love with a 31 year old (married)
man. We'd had sex twice and in my 14 year old mind I had the world
by the tail. I thought that somehow, although he was married with
4 kids we'd have a future together.
I learned I was pregnant with Karlee at 9 am at
a free pregnancy test clinic in Salt Lake City. On my way back out
to my cousin's car (whom I'd asked to drive me) and on the ride
home to Highland I felt a rush of emotions. I was both ecstatic
and extremely frightened at the same time.
I asked my cousin to drive me to Charles' office.
I was certain he'd be thrilled about the baby...and that he'd want
to make a life for our baby and us. However, the first words out
of his mouth were "Oh s***" and he then told me very bluntly
two things: First of all, "this" was MY own fault...and
second of all he and I wouldn't be living happily ever after if
that's what I had in my head. To say I was crushed would be a huge
understatement. I was so devestated I couldn't even cry. Then I
got the most frightening feeling in my gut when I approached the
idea of telling my parents.
I let the news out that I was pregnant with Karlee
at a special family dinner 3 days later. I just let the words come
out of my mouth. My mom's initial reaction was "Are you sure?!"
My dad just buried his face in his hands. After a long, awkward
silence...I was told that I was to be out of their home by the end
of the week. They said I had totally and completely betrayed them
and the values I'd been raised with.
I spent the next couple days in my room just sobbing
uncontrollably and avoiding my parents as much as possible. Finally,
after two days of solid silence, my parents came into my room where
I'd been hiding and threw their arms around me. They expressed their
love for me and their unborn grandchild and told me they were behind
me 100%.
We set an appointment with LDS Family Services for
the next week because that's what women in my "situation"
do who are members of the LDS (Mormon) Church. The counselor and
I discussed my 3 "options": marriage (which was crushingly
enough to me completely out of the question), parenting and adoption.
The counselor managed to convince me that I could not, as a almost
barely 15 year old girl, provide my baby with the stable, nurturing
environment that would be so essential for her well being.
I then looked through adoption profiles of couples
who were hoping to adopt. All of their stories broke my heart and
made me wish I had a baby for each one of them. I got a feeling
in my heart when I read the profile of one couple. They just seemed
perfect. I knew they would give my baby all she needed and deserved.
This was something I could do to prepare for my baby's arrival.
Finally, on the very very late evening of August
16th, almost a week and a half after my 15th birthday, I went into
labor. Karlee was born at 2:15 am on August 18th, 1988. A beautiful,
screaming human being had come from me alone. She was 6 lbs. 5 oz.
19 in. long. I was in awe. When asked if I wanted to hold Karlee...after
she'd been cleaned off... I thought I shouldn't because I didn't
think I was going to be her mom. But without hesitation I said "yes".
When they placed her in my arms I quickly knew within a matter of
a second that I just had to keep her no matter how selfish they
claimed it was. In the hospital I learned how to change her pampers
and nurse her...and I loved her with all my heart and soul.
There had been another young girl in the maternity
ward at the same time as me who had given birth to a healthy baby
boy. Unlike me, she signed the relinquishment papers. The two of
us girls were discharged from the hospital near the same time. As
I was being wheeled down to the main entrance with a sincerely proud
and joyful smile on my face,.she was leaving without her baby. The
elderly woman who was working as a receptionist in the main lobby
had a confused look on her face and said to this girl "why
aren't you taking him with you?" Tears immediately started
to roll down her face. I looked down at my tiny daughter...knowing
once more how incredibly lucky I was.
We went home and I quickly became entangled in the
business of feeding, clothing, cuddling and nurturing this little
munchkin of mine for the next 18 yrs. Sure there was the business
of my job, the next package of pampers and WIC to worry about. But
Karlee was the absolute light of my life, every minute of every
day.
Karlee's now 17 years old and I'm sure you're intensely
curious to know - what was the outcome of this teenage pregnancy?
Did she become a "statistic" or a delinquent? Did she
get those opportunities that they claim kids born to teen moms simply
don't get?
Karlee graduates high school on June 2nd as an Honor
Student. Throughout her high school career she has been involved
in acadec, NHS, dance company (she's danced since age 3...and was
on a cheer squad in elementary school. and jr. high), and numerous
AP courses. As a future elem. school teacher (of either 3rd or 4th
grade) she has been heavily involved in the child care courses offered
at her high school by working as a head teacher in their pre-school
and aiding in a 3rd grade class at her own elem. school. She's set
to attend Westminister College this coming Fall on a scholarship.
She learned to read at the age of 3...and in both elementary and
jr. high she acquired a spot in the accelerated learning program(s).
She's absolutely the most brilliant child and individual I've ever
laid eyes on...and has amazed me every minute of her precious life.
Karlee has a passion for horseback riding, dancing,
sewing and baking. She has a creative flair and is naturally friendly.
She also has quite a sense of humor and has quite a few close friends
(most of whom have been her friends since at least 1st or 2nd grade).
She's a delightful, mature and self assured young woman. I can say
with absolute certainty that she very well might not be if she had
adoption questions in her life. We discussed it and we both sincerely
believe that she'd never have been able to have the relationship
that she has with me with another woman.
Charles has never once seen his daughter. However
whenever I look at her I can't help but wonder if he doesn't stop
to think of the beautiful child he fathered, who is flesh of his
flesh and soul of his soul. She does wonder about that other part
of her...but hasn't seemed interested in locating him. If she ever
does decide to...that is totally and completely my daughter's choice.
I sometimes wonder how Karlee would've turned out
had she become another woman's child at 1 day of age. I'm glad I
haven't had to wonder. I honestly don't know if I would've survived
without Karlee in my life all these years. Perhaps I would've been
strong and risen to the challenge...but again I'm glad I didn't
have to try. Karlee is my only child and is very well probably the
only child I'll ever have. As I watch her leave the house to spend
the evening at her friend Marriane's home she has that look of confidence
and joy on her face...while carrying an armload of movies and games
as well as her sleeping bag. All is right with the world...and always
has been.
Karlee bug...I love you with all my heart and soul.
Everything I do...I do for you.
Mom
Let me know if you can use this!
Love,
Lois (Highland, Utah)
P.S. You're welcome to post my E-mail
address in case someone browsing the site would like to E-mail
me : )
Also, please tell them to see the list of resources
below for helping pregnant women and teen mothers keep and nurture
their babies.
A true story of adoption loss
What might it be like for a mother 20 years after she gave up hope
and surrendered her baby for adoption? Lois wrote her "keeping
your baby vs. adoption" letter to me after reading my story
about adoption and the loss of my infant daughter ... and son.
Help for "unplanned" pregnancy - keeping your baby
Hi again, I thought I'd share these wonderful resources
(most of which I was able to take advantage of when Karlee was a
little one) in case any young mommies from Utah come across the
site!
Utah W.I.C Program -
WIC is for women who are pregnant, breastfeeding, have just had
a baby, infant or child under 5 years old. WIC provides certain
nutritious foods for growing families, information on healthy eating,
help for breastfeeding moms and babies and referrals to health care.
Baby Your Baby - "Whether
you are a pregnant woman, father-to-be, new parent, grandparent,
or community member who cares about families, this program is for
you."
1-800-826-9662
La Leche League of
Utah - In addition to individual phone help, La Leche League
offers a monthly series of four meetings. Mothers to be, mothers
(with infants and toddlers), and other women interested in learning
more about the womanly art of breastfeeding are welcome to attend.
You may begin attending at any meeting. Those who are pregnant will
find it helpful to start attending La Leche League meetings before
the baby arrives.
Utah Dept. of Health
The Pregnancy
Resource Center of Salt Lake - The Pregnancy Resource Center
is a non-profit, charitable organization dedicated to helping those
who find themselves in an unexpected pregnancy. Free and confidential
services include:
• Free pregnancy tests and peer-counseling
• Support groups
• Help for single moms
• Temporary shelter
• Medical and legal referrals
• Abstinence programs
• Material resources
1405 E. 2100 So.
Salt Lake City, UT 84105
801-363-5433
Hope these will be of help to all young mommies
in Utah!
Love,
Lois
