Adoption is big business
 Pregnancy
may be unplanned but a child is not a crisis
I recall telling my mother when I was pregnant that my child was
not a “crisis” - she was a human being, my child. Unfortunately at
the time I was unaware that a human being has a need for their mother,
father, grandparents and siblings. Not just “a” mother, but her own
true mother.
Some 18 years too late, I discovered that hearing themselves referred
to as a “crisis” rather than a human being can be very hurtful to
an adopted person. Why then, don’t pregnancy centers just call themselves
“pregnancy centers” and skip the hurtful word “crisis”?
“Crisis” pregnancy centers turn an ordinary surprise pregnancy
into a crisis in order to obtain infants. Often the counselor
has adopted children. She identifies with the customer who comes,
money in hand, to obtain a healthy infant. Befriending pregnant women,
these counselors pretend to help all the while keeping in mind their
goal to obtain an infant for their client and friend. They emphasize
the challenges of raising a child and the inexperience of a young
mother and father. There is no mention that the prospective adopters
may also be inexperienced - or that adopters face a challenge in raising
a child hurt by the perceived abandonment by her mother. There is
no mention that the adopters may find a child to be a disappointment
when they discover that an unrelated child is not just like their
own child. No real help is offered to the mother. No mention is made
to her of the joys of motherhood .
Adoption professionals promote the myth that young mothers will become
welfare-dependent and impoverished forever, despite the reality that
other young parents have faced the same challenges and even endured
the abuse heaped on them by a cruel disapproving society and done
very well. The kept child has his own mother and/or father and usually
a whole family to love him.
Having had no natural child herself, a counselor who is an adopter
has no concept how much a natural mother loves her child and the incredible
bond there is between them. A mother’s anguish over the impending
loss of her child is considered vaguely sentimental, somewhat entertaining,
and of no consequence. Amazingly, the baby’s very real need for his
mother is also considered to be of no consequence.
Having never been separated from her child, a pregnant mother will
have no concept of how traumatic it will be. A week or month after
her child has been taken, after intense suffering and putting on a
brave face, she may ask others when will she get over it? She most
likely is unaware of the studies and reports that document the fact
that the pain of separation of a mother from her child is known to
grow worse over time as a mother misses out on every moment she could
have has with her child. Some mothers do manage to gather the strength
not to “go there” in their minds. Usually when their child is grown
or they see the problems adoption has caused their child, they begin
their real, very intense, grieving.
Faced with intense advertising emphasizing all the material things
the adopters can provide that she cannot, faced with intense pressure
from all of society, a mother may give up hope and naively surrender
her own son or daughter. Adopters selected in advance of birth make
it very hard for her to disappoint them later.
The truth is, creating “orphans” to meet the desires of adopters
does nothing toward helping children who really have no one. Separating
children from their true family, from parents who are loving and fit
parents is cruel.
Who chooses parents? God chooses the parents of a child. A child
is not a “crisis” or an object to be sacrificed to make a baby available
for use by infertile or gay people. A child is a blessing - to her
own family.
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