Letter
From "Adoptable" Baby to Adoptive Parent
by Julie A. Rist
To Whom it May Concern:
I miss and need my
mother. It is no matter to me, the circumstances that led to
this day. I am not aware of them. I will not understand them
for many years to come – if ever. All I know is that my mother
has disappeared. Please show me empathy for this profound loss
until and unless I tell you I no longer need it.
Never forget that I
spent the first months of my life with my mother getting to
know, intimately, her voice, her heartbeat, her taste, her scent,
her rhythms, her laughter, and so much more. She has been my
Universe since the day I was conceived. Because I am human,
I was designed to need and want the familiarity of these things
upon emergence from her womb to make me feel safe, to trust,
and to feel a part of the Family of Man.
Never forget I have
lost these things. I have lost my Universe. I may be your Universe
now, but you are not mine now.
Despite your desire
for a baby, please understand that, to me, you do not smell
right, sound right… feel right. Because of this, understand
that I am going to resist you. Understand that I will not trust
you, because I lost my nascent sense of trust when I lost my
mother. I will have to learn a different kind of trust, and
that will take a great deal of work on your part.
Also understand that
I will carry the memory of my loss (though hidden from my conscious
memory) forever. My bones know it, my heart knows it, my soul
knows it. Whether you are honest with me or not, I will always
know it, so it would be wise not set up a scenario for my feelings
of your betrayal.
I was born with a given
set of characteristics and personality. They will not reflect
those of your own family. I compel you to honor and respect
them. Do not try to mold me to your own; I will resent it forever.
If you truly care about my well-being you must perceive, respect,
and nurture the person I was born to be. You must also honor
and respect my own family - and my relationship to it.
If there is even one
feeling or request that you find uncomfortable in this notice,
please return me forthwith to my mother. For all her faults,
she is still what I want and need most. I would rather live
with her in a cold-water flat with just a few rags of clothing
than in your 4-bedroom house with a fenced yard and nice dog.
Thank you.
Sincerely,
Copyright © Julie A. Rist 2007
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