Adoption Myths Debunked

She Will Have Other Children Later

“She will have other children later” is a rationalization sometimes made by adoption agencies, attorneys and others when taking a mother's baby for adoption. But not only can one child not replace another in a mother’s heart, but there is no guarantee that mothers who have had a child adopted-out will be able to have other children. An estimated 28-60% of these mothers experience unexplained secondary infertility or else are too traumatized by the loss of one child to even try to have another child.

Empty Arms Adoption Support Group - for natural moms "birthmoms" who had no subsequent children.

"Although I had dreamed of having my own family, after I relinquished my baby, at the age of 20, there was such a deep seated terror in me of the devastating loss I associated with pregnancy that I made sure that I never became pregnant again. I even married a man who wanted no children. Life without children of my own made me lose close women friends when they began to have their babies, made me feel outside of things in my husband's close-knit family, because it was seen as my choice not to have children. I was the only woman in that large family who had no children."

......

"My son is now 37 years old and hates me. What's ironic about all of this is that I loved him so much that I gave him up so he would have love, not understanding that my love was the only love he really needed. And now I understand that his love for his real mother was all I really needed, and both of us have been denied that fundamental and basic life force. I have tried to reach him, but it is too late."

Note: the word "birthmom" is used here for search engines ONLY. No mother is an incubator or "birth thing" - she is a mother.

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• A Child Needs a Father